Dear Wonderful Cotillion Students,
I hope that this email finds you happy, healthy and well.
As happy and as brilliant as life is, sometimes there are painful times. We all go through difficult things as we go through life, and helping each other through some of those difficult things is part of being a lady or gentleman.
Last week we talked about what to do when someone we love dies. This week, I want to help you to know how to respond when a friend has someone die. When we comfort someone we show them that we are aware of their pain and that we care. We can’t take their hurt away, but we can let them know that we are thinking about them and that we are there for them. Letting them know that we are supporting them usually doesn’t require very much from us, but can mean the world to them.
Our topic this week was prompted by a call I received from one of my students. Her friend’s grandmother had passed away and she wanted to know what she should do for her friend – she didn’t know what to do or to say, but she was so sorry for her friend’s loss. She was aware of her friend, she knew that her friend was sad and she wanted to help. These are all qualities of a good friend, as well as those of a lady or gentleman!
So I want to teach you how to write a sympathy (also known as a condolence or bereavement) card or note for someone that has lost a family member. I hope that you won’t need to write one of these for a long time, but when the time comes that you do need to send one, I want you to know how to do it.
You can purchase a card or you can write your own note on a notecard or piece of paper. If you buy a card, don’t just look at the picture, read the entire message that is printed on the card (cover and inside too!) to make sure it is appropriate and accurately represents how you feel before buying it.
A sympathy card, as with any social correspondence (thank you notes, letters, responses to invitations), should be:
- Well thought out.
- Written in black or dark blue ink, in cursive if you can.
- Sent promptly. This is not a time to delay.
- Written and mailed or hand delivered – don’t email or text. (You can follow up with texts in a few days to check in on them.)
Be sure to include:
- Greeting/Salutation: You can address the note to your friend or to your friend and their family. (Dear Lydia or Dear Lydia and Family or Dear Jones Family)
- Body of the note – it does not need to be long, a few sentences will let them know that you are thinking of them:
- Let them know that you are sorry for their loss. (ie: I am so sorry to learn of the loss of your grandmother.)
- If you knew the family member that passed away – share a happy personal experience, something about them or share how they positively affected your life. It makes people feel good to hear about someone that they loved. (ie: Your grandma was such an amazing lady! I am so glad that I had the chance to get to know her. I will always remember going to her house for her cherry pie./ She had such a great sense of humor! It was always so much fun to be with her./ He was such a good golfer and always so patient with us when we were learning.)
- If you didn’t know their loved one – let them know that you are sorry for their loss, how much you care for them and that you are there for them. (I was so sorry to hear about your grandfather’s passing. Know that I am thinking about you and that I am here for you./My thoughts and prayers are with you during this time. I am so sorry for your loss. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.)
- Only include a message of condolence. This is not the time to talk about yourself or catch them up on your life.
- Closing: Something to convey warm feelings before you sign your name. (With Deepest Sympathies/With love to you and your family/Thinking of you/God bless and comfort you) Then sign your name in cursive. If it is a close friend you can use just your first name. Be sure to include your whole name and address on the envelope, even if you hand deliver it!
Sample Message:
Dear Matthew,
I am so sorry to learn of the loss of your grandmother. She was an amazing lady, and I am so glad that I had the chance to get to know her. She will be missed.
Know that I am thinking about you and that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you – just call or text and I will be there!
With love to you and your family,
Autumn
Don’t let worry about saying the wrong thing keep you from reaching out. Saying something is better than saying nothing at all. The most important thing is to show how much you care.
I love you and hope to see you soon!
Love,
Mrs. Achiu
Northern Virginia Junior Cotillion 