Conversations

Dear Cotillion Students,

I hope that this email finds you well and enjoying the benefits of being a good listener. 

Last week we talked about being a ‘good listener’. This week, I want to help you to know how to start a conversation and what to say while you are conversing. In the world that we live in, people often use technology to communicate. Technology is great and serves so many useful purposes, however it can not replace conversation. Ladies and gentlemen know that knowing how to be a good conversationalist is an important skill that will serve them well over and over again throughout their lives.

To begin a conversation, be prepared with a few ‘getting to know you questions’ that you can use whenever you meet someone new. Always start with their name and basic information about them, such as where they go to school, their interests and hobbies – favorite sports, do they play an instrument, how many siblings do they have, etc. When we ask questions, we are showing interest in the other person. Try to avoid asking questions with a yes or no answer, these types of questions can cause a conversation to stall. 

To end a conversation, be prepared with well thought out ways to end on a happy note. Saying something like “It’s been great talking to you! I need to go catch up with Mary now, but I hope to see you again soon.” or “It was so nice to meet you. Good luck with your game on Saturday.” Giving the conversation some kind of closure is much better than making an excuse to go to the restroom or to get a soda and then never coming back. 

Now that we’ve covered the beginning and the end, let’s talk about the conversation itself. To be a good conversationalist, it is important to develop the following qualities:

1. Listen – listen more than you speak, listen to really understand them.

2. Avoid distractions – Put your phone away!

3. Be genuinely interested in the person you are talking to. (It will make you interesting to them!)

4. Never interrupt when someone is speaking. Wait your turn to talk.

5. Don’t monopolize the conversation. A ‘conversation’ requires 2 or more people taking turns sharing thoughts, ideas, and experiences. Make sure that everyone in the group has a chance to participate and is heard.

6. Use language well!

• Expand your vocabulary
• Avoid trite, repetitive words or phrases (“Like” , “Yeah”, “You know”, etc.)
• Use good grammar
• Don’t swear – use appropriate language! The English language has many options for you to express your thoughts and feelings without being crude.  

7. Keep the conversation positive and the topics appropriate.

• Gossip is always wrong.  

8. Negative conversation can hurt others and affect how others think of you.  

9. Avoid talking about politics, money, religion and things of a personal nature when you are just getting to know someone or when you are in a group. 

10. Avoid getting into a debate or arguing over differences of opinion. (This is one of the reasons that we avoid talking about politics when we are just getting to know someone!)

• Respect their thoughts and opinions – don’t criticize or judge. 
• You don’t have to agree with them to have a good conversation. 

11. Look for common ground

• Ask questions to learn about others and look for the things that you have in common. Once you find something that you have in common it is easy to build a conversation.

12. Look for ways to build up the person that you are talking to.

• Look for ways to make them look good. 
• Compliments – genuine compliments – they help others to feel good about themselves and good about you.
• When talking to someone that is a little more reserved or even shy, try to involve them in a conversation about their favorite subject. The conversation will then become easy for both of you.
• And if someone puts their foot in their mouth or says something dumb, give them the benefit of the doubt. We all make mistakes! Never make fun of someone or laugh at them, instead laugh with them.

13. Be your best self and be true to yourself. 

• Don’t put yourself down, help others to learn about your strengths and talents without boasting.
• If you say something that comes out wrong, correct yourself so that they will understand what you meant to say and then move on. Don’t feel badly about it, don’t worry about it. It happens to everyone. Learn to be okay with being human and being imperfect. Making a mistake will never change how wonderful you really are!
• Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself. If you are comfortable with yourself, others will be too.

This week, I hope that you will practice, practice, practice talking to your family, friends and new acquaintances. (A new acquaintance always has the potential to become a good friend.) Listen, pay attention, be observant, focus on the things that you can do to improve your skill set. Remember that your words may be forgotten, but others will remember how you made them feel.  

Love,

Mrs. Achiu